Recovery

I haven't written, it's been too long. And I certainly regret not putting effort into it considering I have much to write about. Summer is starting. Not university summer, but the summer period I've known since childhood. I'm used to describing my mood and elaborating on single or multiple feelings but I hope to move away from that focus. I am on this path to self-recovery discovery acceptance and understanding and I hope to log as much of it down as possible. It can be so tough sometimes since change is so constant and can occur all too soon, not to mention way too fast. Talk about overwhelming! I can hardly keep up with myself. But for the sake of being able to look back and grow from my past experiences, I will try my hardest to continuously update myself in the now. It isn't as if I fear I'd forget the details or the circumstances but I tend to miss my own progress. For instance, a few weeks ago, I could only think about all that was negative about this summer including working at some job that I'd hate, having a piece of my heart away for so long, deliberating over choices to be made regarding my future education...just so much things that I didn't want to be faced with and then gradually (certainly not instantly) I started thinking positively. I don't know how. I figure I just couldn't continue living in a state of depression. Maybe? But the point is that I changed my whole mindset but I didn't really take notice to it until a few minutes ago. I'm excited to hopefully switch schools and I love researching about it because I truly feel it will be a huge step for me in the right direction. I know I'll make it to California one day. Not this year but maybe the next and I realize how perfect that location is for my friend during this period and that's just great. Most importantly this is my time. I have the independence and the freedom to better my current situation and state of mind without the distractions and chaos that I so often purposely create to feed myself a false sense of control. My sanity came from keeping myself at a secure level of insanity but it ran away with me and I suffered terribly for no reason at all. The important thing is that I am getting the help that I need and I am finding strength that I never knew I had no matter how little it may seem at the moment. I've been waiting for this for a long time now and it's all in baby steps...heck it is so scary as well because I am so comfortable in my pain but I'm finally ready.

On another note, I got my lip pierced a couple weeks ago. I had it pierced with the labret jewellery and it is just all too cute. I'm loving it.