...to quote...

Some people just can't stand to be second best...or third or fourth. They always have to be 'the best', the first! And then they damn 2nd, 3rd and 4th place to hell and end up last... where they should have been all along!

Often times, to win, is to fail and to lose yourself. Sometimes it is better to lose gracefully but acknowledge in your own mind that you were true to your art. You failed not because you lost but because of the way you handled losing.

shit, I make no sense. *rolls eyes and walks away*

At least some other people do....make sense that is...

"Artists who seek perfection in everything are those who cannot attain it in anything." Gustave Flaubert

"Perfection has one grave defect: it is apt to be dull." W. Somerset Maugham

Some people need to calm their inflamed egos.

Note to self and others...Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing - Harriet Braiker

It's BIG

BIG, HUGE! My psychiatrist and I have been talking excessively about life changes and those two words are all that comes to mind. I feel like I am doing a complete 360 here and it is too overwhelming. I am choking down my anger and outbursts now and I've been trying to think more objectively about everything and seriously, it is so hard. This is definately a case of one step forward and two steps back so I am wondering if I am even making any progress at all. For instance; I decided to finally take a stand in my relationship with Caroline. I refuse to be the one minute friend. Not when we are so close. I expect to be treated with respect, devotion and I expect to be given the attention I deserve. I listen to her, I cry for her, I advise her and I get irregular pointless conversations with her in return. Most of the time I am swallowing her bullshit about who is prettier and who is smarter between her and her competition and I am sick of it. I gave up. To have to constantly steer this friendship is causing me alot of pain and it just continues to drain my energy. It went from one night hearing that I was the best to another night hearing that she was too busy at the moment for a friend like me. So I take it with a grain of salt. I've said what I had to say and I have everyone I know backing me up. I am not being treated the way I deserve to be treated. So I said 'The End' to that and that was my one step forward. But now, I am missing my friendship and there is absolutely no communication whatsoever and it is starting to sting. My two steps backwards: I'm insecure and distracted. All the changing and growing I've been doing; It's BIG! Just BIG!

I think the girls and I have finally found our home for next year. It is sure to need some fixing and cleaning but I'm sold on the idea of living there. It will be our own space; less limited and restricted as some of the other places we have looked at.

I've fallen in love as well. I acquired a kitten who goes by the nicknames, Timbit and Pup. He is a real gem. I am really sorry that I can't keep him myself but I have minor allergies and most of my immediate family have allergies that are more severe. He is so small and such a character. He owns me. I will be giving him to my friend, Erica, who will hopefully love him off as much as I do. She is such a sweetheart for accepting him. My little man will be truly missed. These two nights have been pure amusement watching him sleep and romp around my room. It was so cute having him follow me around. Here is my boy, the pictures do no justice to this extremely handsome kitty.